Smorgasbord
At the foot of a large and ancient volcano sits the town of Smorgasbord. Legends say that the first groups to settle in the region modeled their baking ovens after that of Anzere, the goddess of the land and harvest. The story goes that her husband Ig, a minor fire god, first brought about liquid fire in an attempt to make his work easier. However, upon finding that his liquid fire burned straight through the barrel he had, for it was not made to carry fire that could slosh, Ig fell into a blinding rage. After Ig had bubbled and fumed for many days his wife happened upon him, having noticed his absence.
It is not clear just how Anzere arrived at her conclusion, though all scholars agree it was quite quick, as Anzere was known for the head upon her shoulders just as much as the wheat upon the soil. In an effort to give her husband's tantrum an outlet, she moved the ground about him. Though it took many days, the land around Ig soon morphed into a basin in which he kicked and splashed his liquid fire. It was only once the land reached up into the sky, and the dirt gave way to rocks below that his blind fury was given direction. With a final oath and a stamp of his foot, Ig sent his liquid fire up and out of the bottleneck of land that Anzere had raised around it.
It was in this way that Anzere constructed for herself an oven, the first of its kind, and showed mortals how best to channel the fury of flame that even Anzere's husband could not always contain. Some could say it is because of Anzere that the town of Smorgasbord stands today as it does.
Smorgasbord is a city with a unique relationship with food. While most eat for nourishment, others for taste, and a rare few for gluttony itself, the denizens of Smorgasbord consider food to be an art in its own right. Succulent scallops are sautéed over a searing flame to crispy perfection. Bread is baked crisp and buttery to the taste. The sloshing of soup in large vats forms a rhythm as chefs add salts, spices, and herbs to the mixture. Food is a way of life in Smorgasbord, and there is a reason some of the realm's most esteemed and noteworthy chefs call this city home.
Eateries line Main Street, a café sits on every street corner, with the only one that doesn't sporting an esteemed creamery to make up for it. Bakeries fill the street with the smell of risen dough, and smokestacks slowly burn away in an imitation of the dormant volcano that sits idle in contrast to the pace of culinary advancement and excellence on display.
With so many restaurants, bakeries, eateries, coffee houses, snack bars, and bistros in the city, many outsiders oftentimes find themselves at a loss. With so many choices in cuisine and mundane craftsmen and merchant shops hidden amidst the tastes and scents of the city, it can be hard to even know where to begin. The secret, as some Smorgasbordians would say rather coyly, is to start with breakfast, and work your way down the menu from there.
Governance
The city is governed by the Supreme Chef and a Potluck Parliament. The Parliament is made up of citizens of the city that gather twice monthly to discuss and make rulings on important matters of concern to the town. Salt taxes, herb garden regulations, and a plethora of other vital issues. As their name suggests, members of this Parliament are only required to bring with them a dish of their choosing to these gatherings, a literal and symbolic representation of the members of the city coming together and sharing both their problems as well as their culinary successes.
Supreme Chef is a position held by the most accomplished chef in the city. Over the course of a three-year term (with the years of each Supreme Chef being dubbed their Appetizer, Main Course, and Dessert respectively) the Supreme Chef works to ensure that matters are attended to so that Smorgasbord can constantly strive to uphold its status as the culinary capital of the realm. The position of Supreme Chef is rotated every three years once the last Chef's term has come to a close. As a reward for their hard work, and to help harken in the city's new leader, the Supreme Chef acts as one of the judges of the trials held in the Cooking Coliseum of Chaos. This means that no Supreme Chef may maintain consecutive terms and that no matter how skilled they might be there is always a chance for rising talent to earn a spot as ruler.
The laws passed by the Supreme Chef and the Potluck Parliament are upheld by the Cutlery Militia, a group made up of volunteers that seek to maintain order and keep things running smoothly when things start to get heated. Those that run afoul of the Cutlery Militia may find themselves in The Can for a little while. The city's prison is named due to the cylindrical shape of the structure, as well as the pre-packaged nature of the menu on offer to the prisoners.
Customs
Given the importance that food plays in the lives of Smorgasbord's inhabitants, it should be no surprise that there are a plethora of customs carried out, and events held in the city that speak to their culture.
It is customary for those born in Smorgasbord to be given a name related to some sort of food item, spice, or dish. This could be a food that the child's parents hold in high regard or a food that the child has an affinity for at an early age. Some inhabitants will even adopt a secondary name upon achieving the rank of Chef, often naming themselves after a more complex dish that they have mastered.
Common Names: Basil, Bread, Cream, Cyan, Parsley, Rye, Salt, Zest
Rarer Names: Cilantro, Pumpernickel, Rutabaga, Manicotti, Marmalade
Chef Second Names: Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo, Garlic Glazed Mushroom
Smorgasbord also celebrates many holidays, the majority of them relating to the change in seasons (as the availability of many ingredients changes as a result of regional temperatures and ease of trade), as well as festivals that fall under the domain of Anzere, such as the end of the harvest season. At least one or two holidays are held in recognition of Ig, though these are primarily during the winter months.
Saucerers
Those that pursue the noble art of food-based magic are known as Saucerers, and those that master this art are held in high regard within Smorgasbord. They bend knowledge of the arcane with a well-practiced palate, and any good Saucerer worth their salt knows at least a handful of spells with which to delight and dine.
Edible Golems: The crafting of edible golems is a tactful one. Creating artificial life that is marveled at and then devoured in the same evening requires a certain artistry so as to not leave diners queasy. A favorite among the nobility is Chocolate Golems, a rather tricky feat to pull off in the warmer houses and buildings of Smorgasbord. Some Saucerers have even been known to make Cheese Golems that serve a similar purpose, and specialize in melting off portions of their form to act as fondue entrees. Several other variations of golem exist, though their long-term service is often inverse to how tasty they are.
Jellied Ooze: While often associated with simple monsters found in dungeons, there are ways to turn many of these amorphous masses into delectable treats. Requiring a Saucerer that doesn't mind sourcing their own ingredients, Jellied Oozes are considered a delicacy that one can chew on or just as easily slurp. The typical method of preparation involves separating a slain ooze into pre-prepared gelatin molds after rinsing thoroughly with water and chilling lightly overnight for the proper wobbly consistency. Those looking to add a bit of humor to their dish may opt to add some spare gold coins into the more transparent oozes.
Spirit Elementals: Not to be confused with a spirit, these very much tangible drinks are often comprised of lesser water elementals that have been summoned, mixed, and distilled with other ingredients to create a beverage that is as fluid as it is intoxicating. Though you might see things when drinking traditional spirits, this is the only kind of alcohol where the drink itself is what there is to see. A favorite among bartenders who need drinks to serve themselves on busy nights.
Slalaad
Of all the foods an adventurer could eat, a Slalaad is the most suspect. With wilted greens and charred croutons, it appears like a salad that has passed its best-by date in all the worst ways. Make no mistake though, if one eats the Slalaad there is a chance that something marvelous can happen, but just as likely that some misfortune will befall them. In this way, the Slalaad is the ultimate chaotic food.
Partially inspired by Goblin Punch's Slaad
If a character would be so foolish/brave as to eat a Slalaad, roll 3d6 and consult the table below to see what happens once the Slalaad has been finished.
3. The most outlandish thing the DM can think to the detriment of the eater happens seemingly by a fluke of the universe itself.
4. The eater is enfeebled by a leech-like withering. The next attack made by the eater is made without any modifiers from proficiency or training. If this attack manages to hit an enemy, the enemy is shamed.
5. The eater is suddenly assumed guilty of a crime or slight. The action need not have been committed but those nearby will assume it has been.
6. The eater suddenly gains the ability to talk to plants for a day. The plants know the eater ate their brethren...
7. A ten-foot-deep hole opens up beneath the eater's feet. If no such hole can be formed the eater is picked up ten feet into the air by an invisible force and dropped.
8. The eater's armor is suddenly laying at their side. If no armor was being worn, their clothes are folded neatly beside them.
9. The eater feels under the weather. Lose -5 feet of movement until the next dawn.
10. Eater takes 1d6 poison damage from how awful the Slalaad tastes.
11. Eater heals 1d6 health from how amazing the Slalaad tastes.
12. The eater has an added pep in their step. Gain +5 feet of movement for the next week.
13. The eater is invigorated. Gain +1 to AC until the next dawn.
14. The eater's breath becomes minty fresh. Gain a bonus on the next Charisma check made if the opposing party can smell.
15. The eater suddenly gains the ability to talk to plants for a day.
16. The eater is suddenly pardoned for an action they took. If the eater has taken no action needing pardoning, they are the winner of a raffle.
17. The eater is imbued with a powerful force. The next attack made by the eater automatically hits. Roll a d20 alongside the attack, and if it is a 20 then the attack does 3x the damage rolled.
18. The most outlandish thing the DM can think to the benefit of the eater happens. This is the kind of thing prophesies are written about.
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